Just Like Me
by MusicMeansEverything
Summary: When Tamzin brings in a patient she feels strangely drawn to her. What will she drag up from Tamzin's past? And will Tamzin be pleased to see her? Tamzin/Tom/Jeff CONTENT WARNING
1. Chapter 1

"We've got a shout Tamzin!" Jeff called over to his colleague, who was having a conversation with Dixie.

"Yeah," she shouted, jogging over to the ambulance and jumping in beside Jeff. "What have we got then?"

"Some woman collapsed in a lap-dancing club, it's only five minutes from here."

"Oh," Tamzin replied, a strange look on her face.

"You alright Princess?" Jeff asked, feeling concerned. This wasn't like Tamzin at all.

"Yep, fine, they're just not my favourite places to go, that's all."

"I know what you mean, they just feel dirty and cheap."

"Hmmm..." Tamzin replied, obviously too engrossed in her own thoughts to be part of a conversation.

The ambulance pulled up outside the club and both Tamzin and Jeff jumped out and made their way through the seedy building. They found a young girl, no older than twenty four, lying on the floor, surrounded by other dancers in skimpy outfits.

"Can we give her some room please?" Jeff asked, making his way through the group of dancers, struggling to know where to look.

"What's her name?" Tamzin asked, taking the girl's blood pressure.

"Her stage name's Crystal," one dancer replied.

"A real name would be helpful!" Tamzin snapped.

"Lily," someone else answered.

"Thank you!"

Tamzin and Jeff got Lily into the back of the ambulance, she was alone, no one would come with her, they all had 'work' to do. "Time is money!" the boss had sniped, when one girl had offered to accompany Lily to the hospital.

Tamzin felt drawn to Lily, interested in her. She had to be struggling to resort to working in a lap dancing club. Unless she liked working there? But who would enjoy being leered at by men everyday just to pay the rent?

Lily began to stir and Tamzin began to speak to her.

"Hi Lily, I'm Tamzin. I'm a paramedic. Can you remember what happened?"

"I don't really know, I just fainted," Lily replied, looking up at Tamzin. She recognised her, she was sure she knew her, but she didn't know where from. 


	2. Chapter 2

Tamzin helped Jeff wheel Lily into the ED and was pleased when Tom came over to get the case. She didn't have particularly strong feelings for Tom but she certainly wouldn't push him out of her bed. She smiled at him and he smiled back, making her blush slightly.

After Lily had been handed over, Tamzin and Jeff left on another shout. They were heading to one of their regulars-a thirty year old man who couldn't control himself after a drink, and would end up collapsing in the middle of the road. Jeff hated him, in his eyes, he was a time waster.

"What's going on between you and Tom then?" Jeff asked as he drove.

Tamzin looked out of the window. "I don't know what you mean."

"You were both as red as tomatoes after you'd spoken to each other!"

"It's nothing," Tamzin replied. At least, she thought it was. Before, she'd just found Tom attractive but maybe her feelings were turning into something more.

"I believe you," Jeff answered sarcastically. "Thousands wouldn't..."

"Nothing's going on Jeff, even if I wanted something to happen between me and Tom, which I don't, nothing would."

Jeff couldn't help but notice that Tamzin actually sounded quite disappointed as she said this. "Why would nothing happen?"

"Because of Sam! Haven't you seen them flirting? They're all over each other. I mean, I heard that they kissed in the staff room at Halloween, and that's why Dylan left, because he couldn't stand seeing them together."

"Can you stand seeing them together?"

"It's none of my business, is it?"

They sat in silence until they reached their patient. As they guessed it was their usual patient, Chris, staggering around, unable to walk in a straight line. They managed to hoist him into the ambulance where he was promptly sick all over the floor.

"Lovely," Tamzin muttered, as she snapped on some rubber gloves, she certainly wasn't going to touch him with her bare hands.

When they reached the hospital she pushed Chris in a wheelchair. He was thrashing around wildly. She scanned the room for a doctor to take him from her and her eyes fell on Tom. He was laughing with Sam. She felt a surge of jealousy. Maybe her feelings for Tom were actually stronger than she thought. She needed to get Sam away from him, she wanted to talk to him.

"Sam?" she called. "Will you take this gentleman for me please?"

Sam wakled over, looking annoyed, and wheeled him away. Tamzin quickly walked over to Tom.

"I'll go and start cleaning out the back of the ambulance, join me when you're ready," Jeff called after her.

She did a thumbs up and Jeff left.

"Hi Tom."

"Oh, hi Tamzin," he replied, making her swoon.

Tamzin suddenly realised she didn't have a reason to talk to him. "I was just wondering where Lily is, I wanted to have a quick word with her?"

"Cubicle three," Tom answered. "Are you busy tonight?"

"No, why?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go for a drink?"

"Yeah, I'd love to," Tamzin replied, walking over to Lily's cubicle.

Tom whistled under his breath.

"What's that for?" Fletch asked, popping up from nowhere.

"Don't you think she's just stunning?" Tom asked. 


	3. Chapter 3

"Sorry about that Jeff," Tamzin said when she arrived back at the ambulance, which Jeff had just finished cleaning.

"Ah, it's ok. What happened between you and Tom then?" he asked.

"We're going for a drink tonight!" Tamzin squealed. "Can you hold the fort for a bit longer? I told Tom I was going to talk to Lily so he thinks that's where I am now."

"Of course I can. You should've just gone straight away."

"I didn't want you to think I was taking advantage," Tamzin replied honestly.

"Go on, it's fine."

Tamzin made her way back into the ED, avoiding Tom, so he'd think she'd been with Lily the whole time. She pulled back the curtain and found Lily on a drip.

"Hi Lily. What did they diagnose you with?"

"Severe exhaustion and dehydration. One of the doctors think I might be depressed as well."

"Which one?"

"I can't remember his name. The fit one with curly brown hair."

"That'll be Doctor Kent," Tamzin replied. "And I'm not suprised you're depressed when you're working in a place like that!"

"What do you mean a place like that?" Lily asked, clearly offended.

"It was awful in there, damp, grotty and your boss seemed like a complete bitch!"

"I know how I know you now!" Lily exclaimed.

"What?" Tamzin asked, panic evident in her voice.

"You used to work in the club! I can remember now. And you're lecturing me when you worked there yourself!"

"I'm not lecturing you, I'm telling you that you need to get out!"

"Maybe I don't want to get out!"

"Oh, so you like random men drooling all over you then, do you?"

"You can't judge me! You were a fucking stripper as well!"

Lily's words echoed around the department. Everyone was staring at Tamzin-some in shock, some in pity and some in disgust. Then the whispering started..

"Did she say stripper?"

"Oh my God, Tamzin?!"

"I don't think she's attractive enough to be a stripper."

The last comment hurt the most. Tamzin ran sobbing from the building. She hadn't wanted anyone to find out about her past. She had kept it secret for a reason. And now everyone knew, not just one or two people who she could swear to secrecy, everyone. She ran home, shaking so much she could hardly get her key in the lock. She slammed her door and collapsed in tears in the hallway. Nothing, no one, could fix what had just happened.

* * *

_Sorry about the language in this chapter!_


	4. Chapter 4

Back at the ED everyone was in shock. They hadn't had a clue that Tamzin had that sort of past. The news had spread quickly around the department and soon everybody knew.

"What shall I do?" Tom asked Fletch.

"About what?"

"Me and Tamzin were going to go for a drink tonight, do I still go or not?"

"Well, I doubt she'll be feeling like going out to be honest mate."

"But what if she goes and I don't and she think I've stood her up?"

"Phone her?"

"Are you seriously going to go out with her?" Linda asked, as she had been listening in on the conversation.

"Why wouldn't I?" Tom asked, confused.

"She was a stripper," Linda stated, as if this explained everything.

Tom stared at Linda in disbelief. "I actually can't believe you! So you think because she used to be a stripper she doesn't deserve a second chance?"

"I wasn't saying that, it's just..."

"What is it? What were you just saying?"

"I just don't know how you can look at her knowing what she used to do."

"I don't know how you can think this is any of your business!" Tom shouted, before storming away.

He walked into the ambulance bay and beelined straight for Jeff.

"Hi, Jeff, have you got Tamzin's address, I really need to speak to her."

"Why, what's happened?" Jeff asked, noticing the urgency in Tom's voice.

"Something's happened and I need to check she's ok."

"Something?"

"Seriously Jeff, I'll explain later, I just really need to see her."

"Have you upset her?" Jeff asked sternly.

"No, it's nothing like that," Tom replied earnestly.

Jeff obviously found Tom's answer trustworthy because he wrote Tamzin's address and a few directions down on a small piece of paper and handed it over. Tom read it quickly and thanked Jeff before heading off in the direction it gave. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning! From this chapter onwards, this fic could be very triggering for self harmers or people with suicidal thoughts so read at your own risk. Stay strong x**

* * *

Meanwhile, back at her house, Tamzin was a wreck. She could only begin to imagine what everyone was saying about her. And Tom, he was never going to want to see her again, not after this. The thoughts going round in her head were breaking her, it was too much for her to take.

The note had been written, it was lying on her table, waiting to be read. The little razor was ready, it was sat on the kitchen side, waiting to be used. The bottle of tablets were next to the razor, waiting to be taken. This wasn't a cry for help, she wasn't going to regret this, she wanted to die.

If she had known that Tom was on his way as she opened the pill bottle, she might've stopped, waited to see what he had to say. She swallowed the tablets, shaking her head and grimacing as they got stuck in her throat. She then picked up the razor, hesitated for just a second, then ran it across her wrist. The flow of crimson washed a wave of relief through her body. She moved to the other wrist and didn't even wince as she cut herself. She knew her pain was going to be over soon.

She thought about the few people she loved, who she was going to miss. It suddenly hit her how permanent death is. She panicked for just a moment, then just waited for her vision to cloud and for darkness to engulf her.

Every instinct in Tamzin's body was telling her to phone for help, her mobile was within reach. But she couldn't do it, she couldn't fight anymore, she couldn't breathe anymore, she couldn't live anymore, she couldn't exist anymore. This was it. It was all over.

This was the end.


	6. Chapter 6

Fifteen minutes had passed and Tom was banging on Tamzin's door, begging her to open it.

"I swear I haven't judged you! I still want to get to know you better!" he shouted. "Please let me in?!"

Tom backed away from the house but something told him not to give up. He opened the letterbox and peered through. What he saw shocked him to the core-Tamzin's lifeless body slumped on the floor. He began hitting Tamzin's door desperately. He backed away again and kicked the door, hoping Tamzin didn't have many locks on it. After two kicks it swung open.

Tom ran through to the kitchen where Tamzin was lying. He saw the empty pill bottle, the letter, the razor, and realised what had happened. He ran up to her bedroom and began to rifle through her drawers. He found two scarves which he tied tightly around Tamzin's wrists when he got back downstairs.

Ringing an ambulance and kneeling down next to Tamzin, Tom broke down. Had she done this because of what had happened earlier? Could he have done anything to stop this happening?

"Come on Tamzin," he urged. "Please don't die."

Tom couldn't believe the scene around him. The floor was covered in blood. Tamzin had obviously wanted to die, why else would she have taken an overdose and slit her wrists? He started CPR but he knew it was hopeless, there was no bringing her back. Nobody could survive this amount of damage. But he wanted to feel like he'd done something, he'd at least tried, or he'd never forgive himself.

He couldn't even imagine how upset she must have been. How much pain was she in-physically and emotionally? What had been running through her head during her final moments? Had she thought about him? He thought hoped she knew how much he cared.

Tom could hear some soft music coming from an Ipod docking station in the corner. He listened intently;what was the last thing Tamzin had heard before she died?

_Everybody's got a dark side,_  
_Do you love me?_  
_Can you love mine?_  
_Nobody's a picture perfect,_  
_But we're worth it,_  
_You know that we're worth it,_  
_Will you love me?_  
_Even with my dark side?_


	7. Chapter 7

There was suddenly the noise of footsteps in the hallway and Dixie and Jeff ran into the room.

"She's gone," Tom said softly, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

"No, she can't be!" Jeff shouted.

"She couldn't have survived that," Dixie said soothingly, trying to swallow the lump in her throat and choke back her tears.

"I'm sorry, I have to get out of here," Tom mumbled, grabbing the letter entitled, _to whoever finds me_, before leaving the house. He couldn't keep looking at her body, it was tearing him apart.

Tom absentmindedly made his way back to the ED. He walked through the doors, the letter still in his hand, the tears still running down his face. His colleagues looked at him in shock-he was crying and covered in blood.

"What's happened?" Sam asked, rushing over to him.

"She's dead."

"What? Who's dead?"

"Tamzin. She's dead."

"Tamzin?" Linda asked. "Dead? Oh no..."

"Don't you dare act like you're upset," Tom said, turning to face Linda.

"What do you mean?" Linda asked.

"You were bitchy enough about her earlier, and now, all of a sudden, you're distraught! It's probably partly your fault she killed herself! I know it was you who said she wasn't attractive enough to be a stripper!"

"It's not my fault perfect little Tamzin couldn't keep her clothes on!" Linda shouted back in reply.

"Linda!" Sam shouted. "Show some respect!"

"What, for the stripper?" Linda answered sourly.

"Tom, she's not worth it," Sam said, leading him to a cubicle. She sat him down on a bed. "I think you're in shock."

Tom continued to grip the letter tightly in his shaking hand.

"What's that Tom? What are you holding?" Sam asked softly, putting her hand on his.

"She left it."

"Is it Tamzin's suicide letter?"

Tom nodded numbly.

"Is it for you?"

"For whoever found her."

"Don't read it until you feel ready, ok? I'm just going to go and get you some clean clothes."

Tom looked down and realised he was covered in blood. Her blood. With shaking hands, he opened the letter.


	8. Chapter 8

_Dear whoever finds me,_

_Sorry you had to see me in such a mess! And sorry you had to find me, no one wants to discover a dead body._

_So you're probably wondering why I killed myself. How I could bring myself to do it. Well, there's always a secret that people have, that they never want anyone to find out. And this morning everyone found out about mine, how I used to be a stripper, a lap-dancer. And I just couldn't live with everybody knowing._  
_That's not the only reason. I've never been happy with my life, but this just pushed me over the edge._

_I'm guessing you're someone from the ED, I've got no other friends or family who would come and see me. So, if you are, it's been great working with you, I've honestly loved it._

_Let Jeff know how much I appreciate everything he's done for me. Let Tom know that I honestly do have strong feelings and I was really looking forward to that drink._

_I don't think I have to explain myself and what choices I've made in my life, trust me, there's been plenty of bad ones! Just go ahead and judge me, I know most of you have already._

_And, I just want people to know that, this morning, I was lecturing Lily. I was trying to help her. Who am I to lecture and judge?_

_Tamzin x_


	9. Chapter 9

Tom had just closed the letter when Sam came back.

"I could only find scrubs but at least they're clean."

Tom nodded and began to get changed. He took his top off and Sam marvelled at his perfect body. She quickly tore her gaze away, this was neither the time nor place.

"Have you read the letter yet?" Sam asked, she had taken as much time as possible to fetch the clean scrubs so he could compose himself by the time she got back.

"Yeah, I should probably give it to the police, they'll want to read it, won't they?"

Sam nodded. "They'll want to interview you too, but take as much time as you need."

"I'll do it now. I want to get it over and done with and then forget today ever happened."

Sam left the cubicle and a few moments later Yvonne Rippon entered. She smiled encouragingly and sat down next to Tom, looking at the paper in his hands, realising what it must be.

"Now, Mr Kent, I know this is hard for you, but we're going to have to take that and have a look at it, is that ok?"

Tom nodded and handed the letter over to Yvonne.

"So you found Miss Bayle this morning?"

"Yeah, I went round to see her."

"Was the door open?"

"No, I knocked for ages and there was no answer so I looked through the letterbox and saw her on the floor."

"How did you get in?"

"I kicked the door down."

"Ok." Yvonne wrote some details down, then looked up again. "What did you do next?"

"I went into her room and found some scarves that I tied around her wrists."

"Then what?"

"I phoned an ambulance."

"Why didn't you phone an ambulance first?"

"I knew that I needed to stop the bleeding straight away or there'd be no hope of her surviving."

Yvonne looked Tom in the eye. "Why did you go to see her?"

"I needed to talk to her."

"Why? What about?"

"She was upset about something that had happened earlier on in the day, and I wanted to make sure she was ok."

"What was she upset about?"

"Everyone found out that she used to be a lap-dancer, a stripper."

"How did everyone find out?"

"A patient who used to work in the same club as her revealed it to everyone."

"I'd like to speak to this patient. Where is she?"

"Last time I saw her, cubicle three."

"Ok, thank you for your time I'm very sorry for your loss."

Tom nodded and Yvonne left. He opened the curtain and found Robyn hovering outside, she'd obviously listened to the whole interview.

"Do you have nothing better to do with your time!" Tom roared. "Someone has died today because everyone else made her feel so shit she didn't want to live anymore! And yet, still, all you want to do is gossip about her!" 


	10. Chapter 10

A hush fell on the department. Everyone knew Tom had a temper, he'd hit Dominic twice in one shift and been suspended all in one day, but they'd never seen him like this. There was pure anger in his eyes.

"You know what she wrote in her suicide note?! That she knew everyone had already judged her! She never got the chance to say her piece! So I hope you're all happy with yourselves! You make me sick!"

"Why does she deserve a second chance?" Linda asked. "Or should I say, why did she."

"If you weren't a woman, I'd beat the crap out of you!" Tom shouted, his face contorted in ager. "So, you think because she killed herself, and she's dead, you can say whatever you like about her?!"

"Pretty much, yeah," Linda replied. "Really, who here would defend her? She was a slag for her job Tom! She took her clothes off for money!"

"I'd defend her! I am right now! She turned her life around completely! She's one of the best paramedics we've ever had!"

"Was. She was one of the best paramedics we've ever had. Apparently."

"She was!"

"Don't you think she did one of the most cowardly things you can do though? Killing herself when things got a little bit hard."

"No, I think one of the most cowardly things you can do is making someone feel so bad about themself that they kill themself!"

* * *

_Ok, two things. Sorry, I know Linda wasn't really in character but I really hate her as a character, so I wanted her to be mean. And I'm sorry this was quite a bad ending to the fic but I really didn't know where to go with it :/ Thank you for reading and reviewing if you have! xx_


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